Flat, flat, flat.

Yesterday was a whirlwind, to say the least.

Kimberly texted an update to the surgeon early in the morning. She told her my fever was gone, and that I had a lot more energy because I'd had the iron infusion. She reported that I still had the stinging and burning on the right boob and also updated with the fact that I was now feeling some of those same symptoms on the left side, as well.

The surgeon didn't seem overly concerned and texted back to go ahead and let me eat. She said that even if I was going to have surgery, it wouldn't be until late in the day because she had a full schedule. 

I had a low key, lazy morning. I enjoyed coffee and a nice visit with a friend and then headed into my appointment. I really had convinced myself that things were getting better and I wasn't going to be having a second operation. The doctor asked how I was feeling, and I was honest... I was feeling less sick, I had more energy, but the pain was awful. The burning and stinging from the drain tubes plus the sensitivity of the infected area were just unbearable.

She said I should feel better by now. She said the infection didn't look too bad, but that didn't mean it wouldn't get worse. She gave me the option to wait it out, or to pull the expanders. She said if we pull the expanders now, I would feel better by Monday.

I have been so weak for too long. Healing has been so slow... too slow.  So we decided that it is time for me to feel better. It was nice that I'd had the option to try and begin immediate reconstruction, but my body clearly wasn't ready. I will spend the next 6-9 months healing from the mastectomy and getting the anemia under control. Then we will revisit reconstruction when my body is stronger.

Part of me feels like I quit and gave up. I wish I could have been strong enough. But I know that the most important thing is that now that the boobs are gone, the risk of breast cancer is nearly gone as well. 

She told me at 2PM that surgery to remove the tissue expanders would be at 7PM, so I went home, took a quick shower, and headed back to the hospital. Since I couldn't eat or drink, I hadn't taken any medication and was really hurting. The nurses were quick and generous with the meds to get me comfortable. 

The procedure was short and we were home by 9:30. After a couple pain pills, I slept well and woke up in less pain and discomfort than I've had in weeks. There is some stinging and burning at the incision site, but the Norco takes care of that pretty well. The old drains are gone, but new ones were placed. She said this set should only have to be in for a couple days. I see her again on Tuesday and am totally looking forward to be rid of these obnoxious little balls of grossness.

My MD has me set up with weekly iron infusions, and I'm taking some supplements to help my body hold on to the iron it gets. The weirdest thing is how FLAT my chest is now! It's almost concave! At least with the tissue expanders, it made it look like I had something there. Now it's just NOTHING. Time to round up some kind of falsies so my clothes will at least fit me right!

I've said it before, but I can't say enough how incredibly thankful for all of the love and support we've gotten throughout this crazy month. The meals, the prayers and well wishes, and the coffee visits... it all means the world to us.  

Here's to hoping that we're now really, truly on the way to recovery.