Tomorrow's the Big Day! (But hopefully not TOO big!)

One more sleep, less than 10 hours. Hoping this will be the last procedure.

I'm about to start talking about breast size. Check out now if you can't hang.

You've been warned...

While getting ready for the Fresno Jingle Run 5K on Saturday, an incident with a sports bra sent me into an absolute panic attack.

What if I wake up and the news ones are TOO BIG?

Those of you who have known me for 8-10 years remember when my boobs were bigger than a normal-sized person's head. I spent the majority of my adult life wanting a breast reduction.

Now, having a mastectomy wasn't quite what I had in mind, but that's how life happened and ultimately I certainly got my reduction! I went from having a DDD or H-Cup down to spending the past two years as a negative A-cup.

I was originally supposed to have reconstruction at the time of my mastectomy, but things didn't go quite right and I had to have the tissue expanders removed and halt the reconstruction process. Now two years later, it's finally time to get my new implants.

For tomorrow's procedure, the doctor said she wants to make me look natural, she wants the new breasts to fit the shape of my body and the space that was left after the mastectomy.

She's the expert and I trust her judgement, but in my last appointment she mentioned something about not quite filling a D cup, which took me aback, because I was thinking something along the lines of a nice, round little B. I've enjoyed these past two years of tank tops and spaghetti straps and gap-free button up shirts.

I don't want to have anything sizable on my chest, ever again!

I got to talk to her again today, and she offered me some reassurance, but I'm still a little worried. I had felt pressure, like this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get PERFECT boobs, and what if it doesn't go right?!?! Will I be stuck with big, floppy lumps that I hate??

I have to remember that they're just place holders - something to fill my shirt and make my clothes fit right. I wouldn't even be doing this if the mastectomy/first reconstruction attempt hadn't left me somewhat lopsided. Boobs aren't all that important to me, really. But since I'm doing it, I do want it done right.

I would really like to get this all over with. People have asked if I'm having nipples reconstructed or getting some tattooed on, but all of those things typically happen in later procedures. I don't want any more procedures. I really want to have this one last surgery and call it good.

There is one potential complication that could arise tomorrow. There is a chance that skin flaps that were left after the original attempt at reconstruction won't be large enough to hold the new implants. If that is the case, the doctor will have to place the tissue expanders in again and we'll have to wait while my skin stretches. This would unfortunately mean ANOTHER procedure in 3-4 months.

I've got an hour left before I can't eat or drink anything until surgery. I have to check in at 6AM. NO COFFEE TOMORROW MORNING?!?! That's just not fair. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I really just want this done!