Plan? Plan? Who's got a plan?

It’s been over four years since I first started this blog to document my BRCA journey. Updates have become few and far between, mostly because there hasn’t been a ton to share. 

I spent the first two-thirds of 2018 looking forward to December, when I would be able to finally get these ridiculous, awful fake boobs OFF of my chest. 

I am SO TIRED of shirts being tight, and tired of buttons popping open. Any time I wear something with even a slight scoop neck or v-neck, I am paranoid about showing cleavage and looking inappropriate. And it’s not just a physical/superficial/appearance issue. Because of the weight of the implants, I don’t sleep well if I don’t have a mountain of pillows to prop me up. My shoulders always hurt.

I didn’t want implants this big. And I have said numerous time that if it came down to keeping THESE boobs, or going back to the post-mastectomy flat chest of nothing, I’d choose flat in a heartbeat.

I had a consultation with the plastic surgeon in September, and unfortunately it was determined that I won’t be having reconstruction this year, either. Complications, shifting priorities, advice and pressure from multiple doctors, questionable growths with thankfully clean biopsies - it’s all helped determine that now is STILL not the time.

Carrying the BRCA gene mutation means an elevated risk of breast cancer, but it also means a high risk for ovarian cancer as well. My doctors would like me to have my ovaries removed before I have my boobs fixed. So instead of a breast reconstruction in December, I am scheduled to have a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) and an oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries.)

These are fairly standard procedures with few risks, but it will involve some down time. It will also come with some unpleasant side effects. Most women receive hormone therapy after this surgery to help with the symptoms of surgical menopause, but because the cancer I am at most risk for is hormone induced, I won’t be able to take the hormones to help. What I have to look forward to:

- Mood swings
- Depression
- Night sweats
- Hot flashes
- Dryness. Everywhere.
- Loss of libido
- Forgetfulness 
- Fatigue


Wahoo!


It’s difficult to have a good attitude about any of this, but I'm trying.

I remain incredibly thankful to have the knowledge of my elevated risk for these types of cancer, and I am thankful for the preventative medical options I have. I don’t regret my decision to take action to significantly reduce my risk of having breast cancer.

I just really want it all to be over.