Bad News, and Good News?

I wish I could give some joyful positive update, but I am just not there at all. Here we are, eight days out of surgery and I am not doing any better. Truthfully, I am getting worse. I felt better three days ago than I do right now.  The pain is so awful. Sleep has been a struggle, and when I do manage to rest, Kimber says I whimper in pain. The pills help a bit, but really they just make me feel stupid and uncoordinated.

It hurts so bad.

So I left the house yesterday for the first time since surgery.  I had a post op appointment with the surgeon. When she walked in, she asked how I was. But before I could answer she said,  'I bet you feel like you got hit by a truck...'

Hit. The. Nail. On. The. Head.

She said some of my iron levels were so low they were immeasurable. The anemia was a known concern, which is why I had the series of infusions leading up to surgery. But apparently my body just doesn't have the reserves to focus on day to day 'getting by' along with the healing demands that have been put on it now,  which is why I still feel so awful.  

She gave me more meds, and the infusions start again today, along with some supplements that are supposed to make the iron bind/stick around for longer. Each infusion does make me feel better for a few days, but we do need to find a more long term solution besides sitting with an IV for two hours a week. 

Finding a positive? I know that today's infusion will give me 3-4 strong days. Maybe that will be enough to get me out of this recovery dip, and on the path to healing. At least I know there is a reason I am not getting better.

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We are all still very thankful for those who continue to offer to bring by meals. It's been so helpful. Please contact Kimberly if that's something you would like to do.  My mom caught the girls' cold from last week and is exhausted. Kimberly is 5 1/2 months pregnant AND catching the cold AND waiting on me... so she is beyond exhausted. We are just trying to get by, and trying to maintain some normalcy for the girls. 

This hasn't at all turned out as we'd expected. I know there are so many things about this that are out of my control, but I keep disappointing myself over and over again, in so many ways. I had thought I would feel better by now, I had thought I would have the energy to at least get some of the online holiday shopping done. Everything is running behind. We're doing Christmas so absolutely bare-bones this year, I will be shocked if we even get the Christmas cards out in time.

I know things will get better. I know that these painful inconveniences are still much better than the potential alternatives that could include chemo and radiation and all of the realities there that have life threatening consequences.

Trying to find positives among this mountain of challenges that life keeps tossing my way. Prayers for your own woes. I know so many others are also dealing with health, holiday, and family stress, I wish I could be a better friend right now. And also prayers for the challenges you choose keep inside your heart (because we all have a ton of those, too!) 

Purpose. Trying to define/refine goals and priorities and the best places to put energy. 

What really matters? Love. 

"It's enough, just to find love. It's the only thing to be sure of." ~ H. Day